This complaint involves triggers and the fact that real life doesn't have trigger warnings. Also, the reason I'm not posting this in HWL is because I'm already getting a lot of help for this in real life and this is mainly how annoyed I am with this.
Our choir concert's tomorrow, two of my school's choirs are performing and I'm in one of them. I would normally be excited except for the fact that the last time I performed with a choir, someone collapsed on stage and died. That was over 4 months ago and you'd think I'd be over it by now, but recovery from tragedy isn't really a quick process and I still cry at night, get flashbacks, etc.
But tomorrow, I have to wear the exact same dress I was wearing that night, sing with a bunch of people that have never had something like that happen to them, and be joyful and happy and not have a panic attack. The worst part of this is that some of the music we're singing is about death. (it's a popular subject for musicians) And when someone close to you has just passed... let's just say that I've had to leave rehearsal a few times because of the fact that I was crying. I'm terrified that I'm gonna panic on stage. Not to mention, I'm afraid of people dying on stage.
But the actual worst part is that I have to stay to watch the other choir perform even more songs about death and how much they miss those they've lost, and I already know that at that point I'm gonna be crying enough that I'll just wanna go home... but I can't because if I don't stay for the whole show, they'll count me as absent. So I have to choose between emotional torture and getting a B in choir, which SHOULD be an easy A.
But the actual worst part is that the girl standing next to me stands way too close to me and breathes down my neck, and is also flat half the time.
tl;dr: wow what a loser get over it triggers dont exist go back to tumblr you special snowflake